Moving Day!!

I have moved... changed a bit and set up shop at Wordpress..

Come and play at the Reluctant Suburbanite, comment, follow, subscribe.. all those good things!

http://thereluctantsuburbanite.wordpress.com

ReluctantSuburb on Twitter

Yours

Ally
aka
The Reluctant Suburbanite

Bear with me!

OK, so I know I have been inconsistent at best and downright unreliable at worst - but you will just have to bear with me.

Over the past few months I have been mulling over a change in direction for my blog, although, in truth, it may be more accurate to say choose a direction for my blog! Because of this lack of decision and general laziness on my part, let's be honest here, there have been almost no posts since May and I now don't know where to begin again!

I will be redesigning Waiting for Rain this month and promise to be back to my old sparkling self soon; hopefully with a sense of purpose and a little clarity.

In the mean time, head on over to my friends' Jay, Holly & Shauna's new venture: Business2Blogger and join in the fun... I am secretly hoping that I will win the Blog Makeover and save myself weeks of agonizing decision making on fonts / pictures/ buttons etc.. hint hint Shauna!!

Where My Heart Is...

This is actually where my heart should be, where I am setting my face and standing on Truth.

This past week has been hard, in so many ways, for all of us. Our friend and pastor, Matt Chandler, has been diagnosed with a tumor on his right frontal lobe and is having surgery on it this week. We are fasting and praying for God to heal him and show Himself merciful, all the while striving to rest in the overwhelming goodness of our God in all situations. He, in His infinite wisdom and mercy, uses the diverse joys and sorrows of this world to loose our hands from this world and place them securely in His.

This is my prayer today, that we would know Him for the unsurpassed treasure that He is and value His Presence above all else.

May your day be filled with opportunities to see the Goodness of God in all things!

Love & Blessings

Ally

Weekend Reflections

Yesterday I watched a much loved member of our church family bury her four year old son.

I don't know what to say to make it OK, I can't even begin to know the depths of her sorrow and all I can do is go home and hug my four year old even tighter. The service of celebration forCaden's life was led by Matt Chandler, The Village Church's senior and teaching pastor, and was a beautiful evocation of what we were all feeling; that while this is desperately sorrowful and painful, there is hope and life offered in our deeply held faith that says that, one day, Jesus will make this all right, that He will fix what was broken in the fall of man and that He will reconcile all things to Himself.

"Lord, you are good and you do good" Psalm 119:68

Today, I am flooded with the realization of what we have, in two wild and unruly boys, is precious and to be treasured, yet also that they are not "mine" but rather on loan to me until such time as they are called home again. I find myself just a little more patient in the light of this weekend, a little more willing to allow the dust to take over my home in exchange for a few precious minutes playing trains or cars or light-sabre-carrying-ninjas. I am honored that I have such wonderful children and that they want to play with me, what could be more important?

So, my prayer today is that I will be more patient and more willing to take the time to point them to Jesus and his goodness and grace, and that I would fulfill the task given me of raising them to be men of faith and compassion and mission. Because the Lord is Good and He does Good to us all the days of our lives.

Ally

... and in other news...

OK, so I realise that I have been remiss in my communications. There are many reasons, most of them extremely valid and interesting, but, for the sake of expediency, I will spare you!

As my few faithful friends with exceptionally long memories will remember, we are in a period of change... adaptability not being one of my strong points, I have taken a couple of months out for "head space" and, well, to date, it appears that it has been working. The aforementioned change is well afoot, and after much prayer, tears, anguish and general panic, I am prepared... prepared to lean on my Saviour and trust that He the the power and grace (for grace, read patience with the exceptionally-slow-on-the-uptake!!) to carry me through this.

I have been with my family in the west of Scotland for the last few weeks and this much loved haven has provided me with much needed space, not to mention sleep! The boys have had a blast - nothing quite beats 300 acres you can call your own private playground! And now we are on our way home, just 36 hours will see us on the plane back to Texas and I shall be glad to be home, glad to get on with our lives, glad to see my patient, loving, lovely husband, glad to be able to walk into the next phase of our lives with hope not fear.

I know I am being obtuse and have not told you much about this next phase, but for now, we are going to have dinner and I shall catch up with you all as soon as I have a moment in the next couple of days.

In the meantime... take care, read my friends' blogs and comment away!!

Change

Change is a tricky thing, we don't really like it, we need it so badly that we can't see straight, and it is TERRIFYING! (Yes, I know I am shouting!!) My husband, clever, sensitive, brave-hearted man that he is has been plugging away at the same thing for years and it is killing him... So, why, you may ask am I nervous about him changing paths? I suppose it comes down to lack of faith, not in him, but in my ability to roll with the punches.

You see, I always considered myself flexible, resilient and able to handle all comers; until recently. The past months have taught me that I rely a great deal on my ability to plan, to reason out the most likely outcome and prepare for that. Well, if you have been following for any length of time, you will know how that has been working out! So now we face an unpredictable future and I have to find my trust in a reliable place.

The only one I can think of is my Saviour, the one who always catches me when I fall, the one who will never leave me, the one who was and is and is to come. His Presence is our future, our present need and our past joys. I long for His touch to be the central theme of my life, because, you see, it is the only thing that truly lasts, that has the ability to transcend the difficulties of this life.

It is going to be quite a ride, but He is the supreme comforter and my constant joy.

Yours in Hope

Ally

Prisoner of Summer! Finally! A good excuse for lackluster blogging!

Thanks to Em for the above, I am officially imprisoned, though I may be back in a more regular fashion come July.. think rain and the north of Scotland!!

But, for now, I will check in with the occasional postcard.

If I can find the stamps!

Happy Summer All!

It's been a while....

So, I know it has been a while.

OK, OK, an age, since I posted... pause for massive gaping hole where you all realize you hadn't noticed that I haven't posted in a while... OK, so, where were we?

I know that my last post was a little stark, a little on the "so-real-now-we-don't-know-what-to-say-to-you-at-Starbuck's" side of real.  And, while I know that there is some platitude about time healing all wounds that would fit nicely in here, that just isn't the truth.

The truth is, (deep breath), the TRUTH is that I didn't know what to write, I didn't know how to come back to witty repartee and banter from where I have been, honestly I still don't.  But what I do know is that I have been so touched and humbled by the concern and prayers of you all that I don't want to leave you with the impression that I have crawled under the covers and have yet to emerge... (although, that does sound tempting some days!).

A little while ago, I woke up and realized that that day, the first thing that I thought of, the thing that defined every part of my day, was NOT that I had just had a miscarriage.... and that was a good day.  

And then I realized that I am not alone, as one dear friend pointed out this week, sometimes we don't know why we go through stuff until someone else goes through it, and we realize that we get to hold their hand, give them a hug and offer hope that there is light at the end of that particular tunnel.  

So, thanks for all the support and henceforth I promise to be impressively happy...

Or Not... but either way, I hope you come back!

Ally

Grief & Hope

THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD 

The Lord is my shepherd, 

I shall not want; 

He makes me lie down in green pastures. 

He leads me beside still waters; 

He restores my soul. 

He leads me in paths of righteousness 

for His name's sake. 

Even though I walk through the valley 

of the shadow of death, 

I fear no evil; 

for You are with me; 

Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me. 

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me 

all the days of my life; 

and I shall dwell in the house of the 

Lord forever.

Psalm 23

Sometimes it is hard to write about life when it is so intense and personal, not to mention confusing.  Today we found out that what we had hoped was just a difficult pregnancy was, in fact, a miscarriage.  I have come to despise that word, it implies some kind of carelessness, thoughtlessness or lack of preparedness, it brings to mind other uses like "miscarriage of justice"; and I think to myself, "NO! That is not it at all!"  We have lost our baby and while they were with us they were deeply loved and wanted, there is no word that adequately covers the sense of loss, of emptiness and sadness in my heart.  

This is a season which I will long search for purpose in, and may never find it, however one thing I know; that our babe has been spared the suffering of life on this earth, and while I may never hold her (for some reason, in my head, she has a female voice), she has been taken into the greatest joy of life in the presence of God, eternal, wise and loving God.  I am sad, but not without hope, weeping but assured by His presence that Joy will come in the morning.

Thank you for all your prayers and loving support, I never knew how truly loved we were until this week, you have all blessed us beyond words.

Yours in hope

Ally

Babe, Bed Rest and boredom!!

OK, so here is the update, from my bed; at this time I would like to point out that typing without sitting up or engaging one's abs is exceedingly hard!!

Firstly, thank you so much for all your prayers and offers of help, be assured that we treasure these and will be sure to let you know if you can help with the boys or anything; we are so blessed to have such great friends.

So, here is the situation, on Thursday we went to meet our midwife, and what was supposed to be a tour of the birthing center and meeting our midwife, was rather transformed by the fact that I had already been bleeding for 24 hours when we first met.  Amy, our midwife, is the personification of calm and the birthing center was so restful that, despite the million and one questions running through my head, I was much restored by being there.  We were able to get a look at the babe on the sonogram, and since I am only six weeks, all we saw was a sac and possible fetal cone ( for the uninitiated, this is before any skeleton or anything is visible, basically the spinal column and yolk sac- precursor to placenta).  So, I am definitely pregnant and not imagining it! That is good news!

However, the past 36 hours have been very difficult. Upon leaving our meeting with Amy, armed with instructions, assurances and a list of supplements, I started having cramps and became so uncomfortable that the only tolerable position was curled up, fetal-style, in bed. Which is how I spent all of yesterday and most of today.  My loving hubby has been awesome, taking the boys away pretty much all day so I can rest in peace and quiet, except that now he is tired too and needs a break.  Thank God for family and community.

Yesterday was excruciating, uncomfortable both physically and emotionally; not knowing what my body is doing is probably the hardest part, and since all I can do is wait and be patient, all I can do is trust God that the outcome of this pregnancy was determined before the foundation of the world and that He, in all His wisdom, has chosen to include me in it for His Glory.  

Today, I have tried to reintegrate into a largely vertical society, but find my self exhausted by even the simplest of tasks, so it is back to bed with me and a great opportunity to exercise patience, which most of you know me to be sorely lacking in!  

Please continue to pray for our health (mine and the babe), but also for Luke and the boys that they would be well in their souls and have peace and patience with this situation.

Ally

Joy and hope mingled with fear.

This week has been something of a challenge, apart from the disbelief about the potential for a new member of the WFR family, I have been exhausted both physically and emotionally.  I will try to explain:

Let's start at the very beginning, a very good place to start.... not so long ago a boy and a girl met and married, they quickly added to their number a son of startling intelligence and fun... a little while later they wanted the startling little boy to have a brother and "voila", along came bump number two... at 18 weeks they found out that the soon to be little brother had complications and a large amount of testing and worry and prayer ensued.  By the grace of God number two son was born healthy, though not healed, and tough enough to surprise the NICU surgeons who corrected his omphalocele.  He is now the poster child for healing and recovery and quite the toughest little boy we know.

Fast forward to this year, both boys are growing up fast, intelligent, sometimes belligerent, often loving and sweet, always awesome!  We had found ourselves very content with our 2 little ones and had given no thought to a third, which is why I have spent the last week staring in disbelief at the three little white tests with two blue lines on them!  

On Friday, when I finally gave in to my suspicion and tested, I had an overwhelming sense of powerlessness, of my own selfishness and most of all of sadness that I wasn't jumping for joy at this news.  Then as Saturday began I started to have hope and quiet joy in the plan the Lord must have for this little one to have conquered the seemingly fool proof vasectomy we had planned to prevent such an occurrence.  I was so encouraged by all my friends that I am, in fact, a good mummy and one more little one will be a joy and a blessing.  

And there, my friends is where my heart resided until yesterday, when I started to bleed, not massively, but enough to put fear where hope had been.  I don't even know what to hope or pray for, but we have an appointment with our midwife today, and I am sure she will tell us what is going on.  As I struggle to line my heart up with truth and trust God as the author and perfecter of my faith in all this,  I know that God is in control and that He is showing me new depths of who He is and how He comforts us in our distress and is the assurance of our salvation.  

Please pray for us, that above all we would look to God as our provider, comforter and source of our joy and satisfaction.  

Feebly trusting Him in weakness.

Ally

Not Me! Monday

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

OK so it is time to 'fess up.. here goes!

There is no way that my three year old has been going commando for the past three days, no way at all that because he finally wants to dress himself, that I am letting him go without underwear - No Way Siree!! Not Me!

It is also true that the underwear mentioned in last week's Not Me! Monday post, is definitively not still outside, but now having been rained on for four days, may be a little less of a bio hazard.. I am definitely not that lazy!! Not me!

I did not leave my five and three year old unsupervised except for the tender ministrations of Star Wars the Clone wars for an hour a day while I took a nap, no way, not me!

I absolutely did not take three separate pregnancy tests this week in utter disbelief that number three is on the way, nope not me! And I have categorically not been in denial about said revelation for about two weeks, there is no way that is me! Oh, and they are NOT still sitting on the back of the loo, where neither I nor hubby stand and look at them with head-scratching disbelief, not in the slightest!

That is it for this week, enjoy and join in and feel better for getting it all off your chest!!

Ally :)

Open Season

It appears that it is open season at my house... by that I mean that everyone appears to have become adept at taking aim at, throwing things at and hitting everyone else.  "To what end?"  you may ask, well, as far as I can tell, it is all designed to provoke an outraged reaction from the closest parent, which, by the way dear readers, is ALWAYS me!  (oops did I just shout that? I am obviously demonstrating why I am the target of this war of attrition!)

The problem is that it has become self perpetuating, they yell/ hit/ throw stuff and I, in return, display all the properties of a rocket preparing to enter outer space, while they look a little stunned / dissolve into tears  and then, I feel guilty and indulge them with yet more TV time or a cookie or a cup of tea... which then begins the cycle of violence all over again, because for whatever reason, they are totally unsatisfied with their unrighteous gains so on and so on!  

I just had a revelation!! They are congenitally incapable of coexisting genially while there is a mother in the room.. but, for the most part, they are fine when I am elsewhere!  Thats it!  I am off to the Caribbean for a week, Spring break is here, I am sure they will be fine without me... 

For your comments today, I humbly ask for your best parenty advice on keeping the peace between a 3 & 5 year old who could both go 10 rounds with Mike Tyson and come out on top!! Failing that, entertain me with tales of your little dears and their pitched battles!!

Not Me! Monday

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

This week, I absolutely did not wimp out of my life because I was not overwhelmed, not even a little bit, by the mountains of laundry, ironing, dishes and homework.  I did not even contemplate vegging out in front of the TV instead of attacking these things, Not Me!!

Under no circumstances did you not see me at Sprouts with my three year old, where I was categorically not bribing  him into submission with what was obviously not a very sugary treat in the hopes of completing my grocery shopping in peace, no Sir, Not Me!  And what is more, I was not, ever, never ever, that person who, prior to having aforementioned three year old, judged others for bribing their offspring's good behavior and am now therefore not shocked at all at my own inability to survive without a handbag full of lollipops and "treats"!

When number one son, who by the way is five and therefore totally potty trained (in theory), although actually is not, had not one but three accidents; I did not just throw the underwear outside, where they are most certainly not still sitting!  (oh the shame.. :( )

Well that is it for Not Me! Monday  

Tune in next week for more confessions from the dark side of my life!

 

Random Saturday

The Herb Garden.. (see below!)

OK.

So, I realise that I have been unaccountably absent this week, and therefore have decided to start a little thing I am going to call Random Saturday... innovative imaginative title, you say!  Well, you know, that is just the way it is, try to keep up!!  (self-deprecating  humour, very Brit, not very easy to convey in txt!)

Here we go, here is a totally Random sampling of my week, taken from the perspective of second-cup-of-coffee-while-the-kids-fight/play-in-the-background....

* I planted a herb garden this week, I love it, I have raised the parsley and basil from seed and am unaccountably proud that they have survived my kitchen for long enough to make it outside.. it is worthwhile noting that while planning and planting the herb garden my house went uncleaned and laundry went undone to the point that no-one in my house has clean underwear or trousers, and we are about to run out of towels.... but at least my herb garden is weeded, seeded and fed!!

* I have noticed that my children instantly attach immense value to anything the other is currently touching... note I said "touching" not playing with / adoring / using...  it is like they have some kind of ownership serum emitting from their sticky little hands that instantly challenges the other to draw blood  / inflict concussion / throw a spectacular screaming fit in order to obtain said ultimately desirable object.   Examples of such objects over the last week:  one playmobil sword, a large stick (of the "fell off the tree in the back yard variety"), empty toilet rolls, a five gallon bucket (it was orange and as far as I can tell the fact that it was orange and not white like the other seven in the garage was the cause of world war XXVI  for the week!!) etc etc.

* I am in desperate need of a reliable, responsible, reasonably inexpensive babysitter!  When hubby got home from our meeting last Saturday (I was, as you may recall getting ready for the Blogger Dinner at the Grand Lux), he encountered the almost apocalyptic destruction of our, up to that point, relatively clean home.  The sitter du jour had allowed my 3 and 5 year old to run wild ( insert gasps of horror here ); there was popcorn all over the floor; every item from the playroom had migrated downstairs was artfully strewn across the house and garden as if to give the impression that a horde of Vandals had just passed through; the boys had been allowed to eat anything they could get their hands on (which, by the way, is everything in my larder as they have decided that the shelves are as good as a ladder - so now there is nowhere to hide the chocolate :( ); the kitchen looked as though someone had allowed a kindergarden class to make spaghetti sauce without supervision...  And we were only gone for five hours!!  

* I have an extraordinary ability to ignore that beep that the microwave makes to say "I am done cooking, now would you PLEASE get this cup of coffee / rice / potato / soup out of me!!"... in fact, this week I ignored that beep for five whole hours until a friend came over and immediately identified the source of the noise and in an incredulous tone of voice asked me why the microwave was pretending to have cooked rice that was a) cold and b) very possibly beginning to attempt escape under its own power!  I really must pay more attention!

***WARNING!! ***

****Serious one coming up***

* I am in desperate need of food for my soul.  I know this is not funny / amusing etc but it is still part of my week. You see, that was probably the hardest part about this week, the dryness, the lethargy (some days even apathy) that I have been struggling with.  I need real revelation of the person of Christ in my life daily, and when I don't have it I am lost, anchor-less, adrift in the storm that is my life.  My friends try to  help and offer life-rafts of various varieties, but the only person who can truly rescue me is Jesus.  The truth is that He is trying to bring me to a place where He is the source of my contentment, not our income, not my children, not my home, but Him, in all those things, despite all those things.  Then why is it so hard?  Why can I not trust Him to provide for us?  Honestly, that is the root of much of my struggle right now... financial instability is THE challenge to my contentment in Christ, and the root of that is the battle for control of my life - He should be on the throne, He should be the one I look to in all things while I fight against the do-it-yourself, make-it-on-my-own, entrepreneurial culture of my world and my heart.  So, in dependence I ask Him for help, and will not pretend that "more study / prayer / reading / discipline" will make the difference, but hope in His tender mercy and infinite Grace to rescue me from myself.

Thanks for stopping by for a visit, I hope your week was fun and fulfilling and even a bit challenging... because, like the trainers at the gym are always saying, if it isn't hard it isn't changing anything.  Hard is fulfilling - that is what hubby always says.

:)

Ally

What a Riot!!

OK, so my weekend was a study in contrasts!

It all started when, on Friday night at an Open meeting for our MonaVie business, I saw an old colleague and friend from back in Florida, the reconnects continued all day Saturday with one leader after another getting distracted while they were speaking because there were these faces that they recognized but couldn't place... due to the whole relocation thing. 

The catching up with old friends was encouraging for a number of reasons, most of which are along the lines of, "If they can do it, and they are normal, workaday peeps, then so can we!". But then around five, as we prepared to go our separate ways, with promises of "We'll call / email / keep in touch!", I started to get nervous.  Not, you see, on account of these old, rekindled friendships, but more because in a couple of hours, I was going to meet a whole crowd of new people, most of whom I had never met, or for the most part even heard of.... 

So, confession time... I am VERY VERY new at this whole blogging thing, I don't know what a Mr Linky is, I have no idea how to edit HTML, I am absolutely lost when it comes to monetizing and buttons and pages and archives.. I don't even have enough posts to have an archive!!   And I, this unaccomplished newbie was going to the DFW Blogger Dinner, with 29 strangers, a few of whom I have loved from a blogging distance but mostly unknown and therefore potential axe murderers / strangers / aliens!!  

I am thrilled to report that they were all, without exception, really fun, witty, almost totally normal (in that awesome totally screwed up on the inside way that bloggers are!) and absolutely hilarious!  I admit to being lost when conversations turned to the more technical side of blogging, and Mary Ann ( of The Stiletto Mom), I am really looking forward to our chat this week, although I won't be a bit surprised if you are at a loss as to what to do with such a one as I!!  Dorsey, Natalie, Christina, Lisa, and Texan Mama, you were all absolutely brilliant dinner companions, I have rarely had so much fun at a dinner table, and almost never find people who talk as much as me!!  

I can't wait for the next one, and shall henceforth have to severely limit my blog reading / computer time lest my life be solely lived vicariously through all your wit and wisdom and stick figures (Holly!). 

I am honored to count some of you as friends already and look forward to adding to that list daily!  

Thank you for making my weekend!

Ally :)

Neither Strange nor Alien!!

Go figure!

My new neighbor, the friendship initiated by my mother, is neither strange nor alien, in fact, to date she appears to be normal! 

So normal, in fact, that she allows me into her house when it is covered in laundry, dishes, and discarded attempts at homework!  I think I may be in love!!

Is it just me?  I mean that? Am I the only one (well, apart from R) who believes that if you are really going to be my friend that it is normal for you to have to pick your way through towers of lego, mountains of laundry, and the half completed rocket project sitting on the counter to have a cup of tea and a chit chat?  Until last week, I thought that all suburban American homes had an automatic locking mechanism.. when they were messy or dirty or just normally untidy (to my mind - a home!) the door didn't open, except perhaps to allow the hostess to poke her head out and say that they really were on their way out, or in the middle of homework, or ... !

I  have decided to begin establishing "pop in" rights with friends... where we are both welcome to pop in whenever, where we won't be worried about the outward state of our homes because good friends could not possibly be worries about such things and where we won't be remotely offended if the other is genuinely on their way out, or in the middle of homework etc...

So, come on over, it is always chaos here but you are most welcome to add to it!

:)

Neighbors, friends and other strangers

Why does it take someone coming to stay from out of the country to connect us with our neighbors?

You see, in my neighborhood there exists a kind of Berlin Wall-esque divide at the end of my street, somehow, although I see these people daily, see them playing basketball, hauling out their rubbish bins, waiting at the bus stop for their kids, I don't cross the street to meet them.  Why?  I mean, it is not as though suddenly, along the mid-line of SB Street a new language has evolved!  I am pretty sure they are all still American, speak English or Spanish or even both, send their kids to school etc etc... although to be truthful, I have only met one of "them"... the rest could be absolutely bonkers!!

Anyway.. so my mum is here for ten days.. all the way from bonny  Scotland.. and when she decides to brave the wilds of our elementary school cafeteria at 10:30 for "lunch" with my Kindergardener (don't even get me started on 10:30 lunch - that is a whole other rant for a whole other day!), she not only meets people, she meets my neighbor; the neighbor I have been considering stalking to find out if she, in fact, doesn't speak English or Spanish or even both, doesn't somehow have horns or is in some other fundamental way, not "one of us"...  In fact, this neighbor has become my newest friend and has gone out of her way to welcome a newbie to the 'hood... but why did it take my mum ( did I mention that she doesn't even live here?!!) to connect us?

Meeting new people is one of those things that shouldn't be scary, and usually doesn't scare me at all.. as one of my friends said today, I could talk to a tree and be happy!  But there is something about suburban America which totally wigs me out... it is like some houses and streets have invisible forcefields around them.. a sort of "invisible fence" repelling neighbors, small children, dogs and other "undesirables".  I am blessed to live in a 'burb where this doesn't generally apply and have, as a consequence, made some great friendships with my neighbors... is this normal?  

Am I the only one who longs to be able to drop in whenever, and have people feel free to just pop over whenever they want and not feel as thought they are intruding, or worse, that my house is too much of a shambles to have guests... let me just say, for the record, that if that were my criteria, no-one would EVER come over... there is always at least one pile of laundry multiplying on the floor or a kitchen that has definitely seen better days having an even worse one!

So, on that note, good night dear friends, and please come over any time, for a cuppa, a coffee or just a good chin wag..... our door is always open (literally, it is broken and doesn't even shut properly!)  

:)

Drought

This past few weeks have been interesting... not so much because of the actual events, but rather because of the revelations of who I am and how I am wired that have emerged.  For example:

I am unable to focus entirely on more than one thing at a time ... I have become an either / or sort of girl, most definitely to the detriment of my walk with the Lord and, some would say, to the detriment of my ability to think and hold a conversation!  

I long for clarity, security and stability and constantly seek them where they cannot be found, much to my dismay and frustration.  I know that I need to find all those things in the arms of my Saviour so why do I look elsewhere?  

For someone who talks as much as I do, blogging is extraordinarily and surprisingly hard... not least because picking which thought to blog about is like picking a flower and finding that once  you get it home and try to draw it, that a) your skill at depiction is definitely lacking; and b) the flower is not quite as fascinating out of it's natural environment.  This leads me to a new idea, perhaps this week, I will try and give you all a little slice of our crazy life, perhaps even a daily slice.  I can't vouch for the quality or content of this little experiment... but here goes!

See you on the other side!

So they tell me to blog...

Just waiting, waiting for the rain to come...

This seems to represent so much of my life right now, in my walk with Jesus, in my husband's job, in pretty much every area there is a sense of drought.  Not the kind of drought that causes a famine, mind, the kind that just makes you feel tired, kinda restless and always looking to the horizon for that first glimpse of rain.  

I never ever thought I would miss the rain, but sometimes, on those precious Scottish summer days when the rain is falling down softly, I just want to stand there and let it fall on my upturned face.  Like somehow, it could penetrate my soul, like the waterfall of  Grace that falls from heaven, not intrusive, not painful, but refreshing, cool and life giving.   

The funny thing about writing this blog is that my expectation of anyone ever reading it is so low that I am sure I will be surprised that anyone would be interested.  Nonetheless, it is nice to sit and write cohesive (some may disagree) thoughts that are not punctuated with, "No, FJ you may NOT hit your brother for ruining your homework!", or "I know R, you are always hungry."  Don't mistake me, being a mummy is the essence of my day, but there is a part of me that sometimes gets lost in all that laundry and sandwich making and homework and pirate ships, a part of me that is difficult to define but is fulfilled by thinking a little deeper than the usual day requires.

So, here it is, the inaugural post of Waiting for Rain.  I am looking forward to this journey, in some ways and in others am a little nervous of what, you, my reader will make of who I am, what I think and how I get from day to day.  But, for now, this is it and it could be a wild ride!